basically, i have been alerted to the fact that i will be let go at the end of the semester (aka fired, allowed to leave, discharged, etc).
in january, i spoke with my elders about the possibility of going full time, and they told me that they would not be able to afford to do so. they told me i was free to look for other ministries, but that my current position was secure until we (my wife) found a place to land.
that all changed a week ago when i was called by an elder and told that my ministry would conclude at the end of this may.
Really? that was a new one on me. o well, i figured the money situation was probably worsening and they needed to drop something. i was planning on leaving eventually, so i was ok with it.
UNTIL.....until i found out that this was not, at its core, a financial decision. sure, with the burden of my salary lifted, they will be able to pay their depleted savings back sooner, but that was not the primary reasoning here. apparently, the finance committee (as a whole) did not know of this decision, neither did the person through whom all of the money weekly flows. no, this was a decision by the elders alone.
so, i called up the elder who told me the news and requested a lunch meeting with him. at the end of that enlightening meeting, i found out that these "feelings" of unhappiness had been brewing in the church (read: certain members) for a long time. i found out that the reason the first service never sang with me was not only b/c it was early and they were mostly elderly (though in all fairness, those factors do play a part), but mostly it is b/c they have shut me out. when i asked the reason for this, the elder told me that the church and i were not a "good fit". i asked what i had done or said to make myself a "bad fit" for this church. there was a lot of "ums" and "wells" and i was finally told that i did too many new songs too often.
ok, well that's understandable....except that we dealt with that back in august! i then told this man that i had taken (at least to some extent) every single piece of advice i had been given. we remembered that i got off to a rough start by not being able to lead on consecutive weeks until june, and that i had to completely shift my paradigm for music ministry from what i had previously experienced to what i was now doing. these processes require time and patience, right?
apparently i was not given much of either. i figured this out when i was told that my efforts were "too little, too late".
really? so three (consistent) months into my ministry and it's already too late? honestly, what do you expect from a college student who is in his first ministry?
in the end, i'm ok with their reason. i think it's extremely subjective and i wouldn't run a church like that, but i'm not an elder. i also firmly believe in the authority and honor due to elders (I Tim 5 is great medicine for times like this).
HOWEVER, i was also brought up to say what you mean, to drive to the heart of matters, and to treat people with respect -- even when it hurts. that is not how i have been dealt with here. i can say that i have been extremely underwhelmed by this church's leadership thus far. i have only once been approached forthrightly about something, and most of the time i only hear whisperings of what people really think. people refuse to confront me to my face about issues, either by attributing their complaint to someone else ("well, people have been talking....") or by other means (magazine articles, email, etc).
at this point, there is nothing that can be done except to clear the air and to leave with an idea as to what my references will be. i wanted to find out what i did wrong so that i would not perpetuate my mistakes in my next ministry, however the biggest thing i will take with me will be to make sure i am wanted by the leadership. i was not hired by the elders, i was hired by a committee empowered by the elders. yet, when i do not please the elders, they are free to fire me based on subjectivity alone.
in essence, i know i made mistakes. i know i didn't do everything (0r anything for that matter) perfectly, but i also know that i did better than i have been given credit for. the last thing i want to do is to become what they believe me to be -- an arrogant young man who only wants what he wants. God, help me to be more!
in the end, God has a plan and He will use this for His glory... both in my family's life and in the life of this church.
this is my Father's world, o let me ne'er forget
that tho the wrong is oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
this is my Father's world, i rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas,
His hands the wonders wrought.
this is my Father's world, the battle is not done.
Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
and earth and heaven be one.
1 comment:
Oh Josh. I beleive that Elders can be wrong. And I am sorry that that was how you were treated and they couldnt be completely honest in the first place. But you probably aren't the right "fit" for that church, and that is most likely not such a bad thing. I know God will do GREAT things in your life. Keep looking up friend!!
K-fi
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